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Friday, July 27th, 2001

Time Event
I have found the love of my life, and I honestly doubt I could care for anyone as much as I do her. However today and many days past we seem to get into disputes over our love. She isn't close to me and its hard for us to spend time together. I am constantly trying to be with her more and she is (in my mind) constantly trying to not. What bothers me is, she is a very busy person. She finds time to do EVERYTHING and what bothers me is she can't seem to find that time for me. Yet she can push me off to do other things, she has only once pushed something off for me.

Most recently the problem is her family. She wants to spend time with them over me. I want her to spend time with them, but I also want to spend time with her. Its hard to grasp why she won't give up her time with them for me. I don't want her to always do it, I just want Christmas. She seems to not want to budge at all. But if this girl is my future wife, would she truly want me to spend all the holidays alone by myself? Crying because I don't have her?

What worries me is voicing my opinions. When we try to talk about this stuff we get nowhere. I try to talk about meeting in the middle somewhere, but its like she takes offense to me wanting to spend more time with her. She says she has a personality flaw that makes her get bored with stuff very fast, and that she doesn't want to spend too much time with me. But all we talk about is being together.

I hate the way our relationship is now, in the month of July I saw her for one day. Not even a whole day. Thats it. I can't stand that. I want to see her EVERY day.

Whats worst of all is, I can't just pull myself away from her, because I love her more then anything. I just wish I knew what to do. I feel like I am always giving in to her. But I just can't lose her. Without her I am nothing, but she just doesn't want to choose me over anything.

I just don't understand love.

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