January 6th, 2002

Why do girls do this...

I'll quote my baby's journal on this, and then rant about it...

" I know it confuses the hell out of Jake. It's just sometimes he does things that upset me, and I don't want to tell him. And in retrospect, I realize how some of those things are truly dumb to get all worked up about. But, at the time, I feel I have a justifiable reason to feel that way. As far as not telling him - it's such a girl thing. Me and Amy talked about it when she was here. It's like, if he doesn't know what's wrong, then I don't want to tell him. He *should* know. "

First let me point out I know it confuses the hell out of Jake.

So why do it?

Yes it does confuse the hell out of me.

Here's the thing, like sometimes she does things that piss me off. Sometimes I don't tell her. BUT, if she asks, she can get it out of me. Even if it takes some prying. Girls, what they do is, they NEVER tell you. You know their upset, you ask are you upset? They say no. If you go on and on about it, they get mad cause you won't stop talking to them about them being upset when they claim they aren't. YET, in reality they are upset but refuse to tell you. Then eventually they stop being mad at you, and everything is considered fine, yet there was a big problem in their heads, that you never got to state your side of.

Not that I really care as long as it works out, but maybe I did do something wrong, shouldn't I get to apologize? I'm not afraid to say I was wrong.

Why must everything be such a secret? If I don't know, then tell me. ESPECIALLY IF I ASK!

Don't lie and say nothing is wrong when it is. Thats just pointless.

She's afraid that and I quote once again...."I fear: complicated me will eventually drive him away."

Yet I have this wild feeling that deep inside she is trying to drive me away. Like not that she wants to, but that she is on purpose. Sub-conscience or something. I know thats what a shrink would say.

The good news: She can never drive me away. I love her too much for that.


I know it sounds stupid to rant on and on about this kinda stuff, but I constantly tell her how I feel, I constantly ask her to talk to me, I try to understand, I try to be supportive, yet I still get so little. I KNOW, she is working on it, and she has come a long long way, she tells me lots more then she ever did before, but still, I hate seeing her struggle so much with problems when I could help. With a little love.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

What about me?

Someone said I sounded like Raven, kudos to them for watching wrestling..BUT, I gotta wonder, is that a compliment? I mean sure Raven is a very intelligent person, but he whines a lot too, do I ask "What about me?" too much?

Its snowing outside, and not one kid is playing in it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE KIDS???!?!?! I woulda been out there with my G.I. Joes and my cousin and brother and we'd been having a good ol time. Ah, kids today.

To the person who said I contradicted myself, let me explain...

Beth gives A LOT, but its not at the level I want her to give. The little things she gives, means so much because they are so hard for her to give, and I appreciate her giving, but what I really want is for her to give it all, thats just going to take time.

I was a jerk last night too, when I found out she read part of my journal and had decided not to read it but rather my post in several communities asking for advice, I was offended and annoyed at the rare luck she would go there, then.

I'm pretty sure I was cursed some many years ago, I just didn't know it. I am the absolute epitome of Murphy's law.

Someday maybe I'll post a pic in here.

Hmm, what else to talk about...Oh lets see...

I will do a year in review soon, when I find the time.
I have another big emotional post, but its actually not love life related. (imagine that)

As well, I have a weird twitching in my right eye. Whats all that about? Signs of something big? Just a nervous twitch? Will it go away or get worse? Its not constant, but I know it does deal with stress on some level.

Yea thats it, off to play in the snow.....
  • Current Music
    Some Folks by Alice Cooper

This is a test, this is only a test...

Beth sent me this, here are my results....


I see: The big picture
I need: Money
I find: None
I want: Beth
I have: the best girlfriend
I wish: I could spend everyday with her
I love: Beth
I hate: work
I miss: Beth
I fear: death
I feel: decent
I hear: my typing
I smell: ham
I crave: Beth
I search: for eternal life
I wonder: what i'll be
I regret: wasting 6 thousand dollars

When was the last time you...

Smiled: last night
Laughed: last night
Cried: wednesday
Bought something: today
Danced: last weekend
Were sarcastic: last night
Kissed someone: tuesday
Talked to an ex: my birthday
Watched your favorite movie: 8 months
Had a nightmare: two nights ago

What is the last...

Last book you read: Have a nice day
Last movie you saw: Tois
Last song you heard: Its been a while
Last thing you had to drink: Dr.Check
Last time you showered: yesterday
Last thing you ate: ice cream

Do you..

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Have sex?: yes
Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes
Live in the moment?: some times
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: nah
Play an instrument?: nope
Believe there is life on other planets?: yep
Remember your first love?: yep
Still love her/him?: yep
Read the newspaper?: yes
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: nope
Believe in miracles?: yes
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: sure
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes
Consider love a mistake?: never
Like the taste of alcohol?: rubbing? no
Have a favorite candy?: yes
Believe in astrology?: not really
Believe in God?: I think
Believe in magic?: yes
Pray?: not enough
Go to church?: no
Have any pets?: yes
Talk to strangers who IM you?: usually
Wear hats?: no
Have any piercings?: yes
Have any tattoos?: no
Hate yourself?: nah
Have an obsession?: sure
Have a secret crush?: nope
Collect anything?: yes
Have (a) best friend(s)?: yes
Wish on stars?: yes
Like your handwriting?: HAHAHAHA No way
Have any bad habits?: sure
Care about looks?: yes